Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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