Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
