someone threw a dead crab at me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize