I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
