ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
