When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
