My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
