Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
True but thats because hes a fetus.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
