please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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