new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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