I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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