she woke up with a sticky ear
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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