Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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