and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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