My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
