Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
