he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
