Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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