The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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