So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
