Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
