so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
