I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
