if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i think i just lost a toe
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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