I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
