It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
