Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
