My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
