Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
