I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
