I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
