I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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