We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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