Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
