I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
