I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
