I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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