I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
