we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
