I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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