just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
