So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
