You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
