is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
