Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
