I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
