Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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