it was like eating out sand paper
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Randomize
