i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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