as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
