you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
