Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
