My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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