Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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