It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
His nipple licking is glorious
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