Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
