a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
