Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
